Thursday, August 28, 2008

Mein Vater...

bismIllah...


You…
I don’t know why I think of you
I try not to
But lately, you’re always on my mind
Especially when I met good men
And I envy their children
For I never had the chance to really know you
Never had the chance to love you
Because your actions, words and attitude...
Made me feel so far from you
I never felt loved by you
You never seem to care...

You always said all the bad things
You made me hate you
I know I shouldn’t
Since we shared the same blood
But… I just can’t forgive you for what you did
And I got the feelings that you never really care about us
Why are we like this?
Why…

Why can’t I have you in my life?
Why can’t I share all my ups and down with you?
Why can’t we laugh when you’re around?
Why do I have this phobia of your presence?
Why…

Actually… I know why.
Because I remembered most of all the things you did
And what you said about us
I remember the fights so well
The shouts
The cries
The pain
Everything…

Remember when...?

And I don’t know whether I can forgive all that
Maybe I will… after all, you’re you…
Der Vater…
But I know they will never be forgotten…

It’s been more than a year since you left us
We have no idea where you are
It’s painful for her to explain when people asked about you
It’s painful for her to hear what people said about us
It’s painful for her to know you said a lie to other people about your absence

You hurt her
The most important person in our lives
You hurt me too
But I was glad I hurt you too
Though I shouldn’t have…
But I guess I inherit your temper :]

Well…
I do hope you’re okay where ever you are…
I don't know why I keep thinking of you lately...

Thinking out loud,
Ryehanna
August 2008.

"The most important thing a father can do
for his children is to love their mother."
~~Author Unknown



btw, this is my 100th entry. who would've guessed it'll be about mein Vater...


alhamdulIllah...

7 comments:

Azraie and The Blog-blog Factory said...

find a good man of your own which will never be like that....
U've grown up, Ana...
Im proud of u... :)

little a said...

i will not be like dat ever to my family... I would love my family... Cuz i dun have a family...

cybernetics mind said...

...just back to basic, everything happened in our life there must be a reason....and the reason itself sometimes are too complicated to understand or to accept.

...but remember, everything happens adalah kehendakNYA....pohonlah petunjuk dariNYA....mengadu padaNYA...Insyaallah kita akan diberi ketenangan yang hakiki :)

cybernetics mind said...

...just back to basic, everything happened in our life there must be a reason....and the reason itself sometimes are too complicated to understand or to accept.

...but remember, everything happens adalah kehendakNYA....pohonlah petunjuk dariNYA....mengadu padaNYA...Insyaallah kita akan diberi ketenangan yang hakiki :)

cybernetics mind said...

sori erkkk...bukan nk spam tapi ntah apa hal jadik cam ni..sowiii, ada poblem ngan java script kot.....huhuhuhu

13may said...

...just back to basic, everything happened in our life there must be a reason....and the reason itself sometimes are too complicated to understand or to accept.

...but remember, everything happens adalah kehendakNYA....pohonlah petunjuk dariNYA....mengadu padaNYA...Insyaallah kita akan diberi ketenangan yang hakiki :)


aikkk??? camna komen sama ngan CM nih :D

btw, mana entri ke 101???

hehhe hehhe

HanG LeKiR said...

wah pandainyer jiwang2....
i jugak yang all alone...