I don’t know why I think of you
I try not to
But lately, you’re always on my mind
Especially when I met good men
And I envy their children
For I never had the chance to really know you
Never had the chance to love you
Because your actions, words and attitude...
Made me feel so far from you
I never felt loved by you
You never seem to care...
You always said all the bad things Why can’t I have you in my life?
You made me hate you
I know I shouldn’t
Since we shared the same blood
But… I just can’t forgive you for what you did
And I got the feelings that you never really care about us
Why are we like this?
Why can’t I share all my ups and down with you?
Why can’t we laugh when you’re around?
Why do I have this phobia of your presence?
Why can’t I have you in my life?
Actually… I know why.
Because I remembered most of all the things you did
And what you said about us
I remember the fights so well
And I don’t know whether I can forgive all that
Maybe I will… after all, you’re you…
But I know they will never be forgotten…
It’s been more than a year since you left us
We have no idea where you are
It’s painful for her to explain when people asked about you
It’s painful for her to hear what people said about us
It’s painful for her to know you said a lie to other people about your absence
You hurt her
The most important person in our lives
You hurt me too
But I was glad I hurt you too
Though I shouldn’t have…
But I guess I inherit your temper :]
I do hope you’re okay where ever you are…
I don't know why I keep thinking of you lately...
for his children is to love their mother."
btw, this is my 100th entry. who would've guessed it'll be about mein Vater...