bismIllah...
As I'm thinking of the marriage preparations and all, I couldn't stop thinking of him. Yes, him. He plays an important role in my marriage. And he's nowhere to be found. Nobody knows how to contact him. Even my eldest sister, Yong who is very close to him. We have lost contact since 2008, I think.
He left us on July 2007. He only came back once, which was on December 2007 to settle things for Yong's solemnization. He didn't come on the 'nikah' day... (wakilkan kat tok kadi je) nor did he come on the wedding day. But at least, he was there during Yong's engagement day.
And now, it is my turn to get married. My wedding will be in June, insya Allah. And I can't find him to be my 'wali'.
I really don't want to think about this (or even write about it!) ... but this thing bugs me.
It bugs me cos... I actually want him to be there. But I was never in good terms with him... we're not close....
And he broke my heart...but I think I broke his too... I was never his favorite. I was the rebellious and coldd-hearted one. I was young...
What to do eh? We haven't started looking for him yet. And frankly, I don't know where to start. Advertise in the newspaper? hoho... that is embarassing.
Haih... dilemma dilemma...
It is sad to get married without a father because he's no longer living in this world.
But to get married without a father and not knowing where he is? is he alive or not? is another thing.
And... to think I'm getting a cold feet for this marriage thingy????
But... people says it's normal... it's normal for me to get cold feet about marriage... to have been through what I've been through...
To see and experience things from the older generations...
I really am a marriage-phobic.
But hey, somehow I am already engaged. And getting married! So... ok la kot.
I.... I guess I'm so stressed out about marriage preparation and stuff.
I REALLY SHOULD MAKE A CHECKLIST.
Daaa everyone.
Salam.

alhamdulIllah...









