Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Too much on my plate


Been meaning to blog but I just couldn't find the time. Alhamdulillah finally mlm ni dapat jugak menulis sikit...

I had a breakdown today. I don't remember when was the last time I cried because of stress. I felt suffocated. Felt as if the walls are closing in and I was trapped.

I was lonely. I miss my son eventho I have only slept one night without him last night. Left him in Beruas and I had to get back to Lumut for work. Asked Hanis and Afnan to accompany me for the night since hubby was away... But they left early in the morning... around 9am i think.

I was busy at first. Today is the pay day. People bought stuff, and people paid their monthly installment. I was so busy I have no time to cook.

I was hungry. My stomach then ached... Gastric. But I had lots of stuff to pack for deliveries. And I was waiting for one potential customer who was coming over to test baby carriers... I only managed to go out at 5pm for lunch. T_T

And before that, I had spent 30 minutes of crying because I was so angry when hubby told me he'll only be back next week. He was supposed to come home tomorrow! I was mad like hell.

This week is a busy week... just like how 'minggu gaji' always been for me. I need his support... but what can I do? He's away in Sabah because of work. And I'm alone cos Mamito does not want to stay at my place. She said "tak larat nak naik turun tangga" (cos I turned the bedroom downstairs into my office so there's no bed in that room). I was so sad I can't stopped crying for good 30 minutes. Mad at hubby... mom... myself....

I hate to leave Razin in Beruas. Cos I'll miss him sorely. But I simply cannot cope taking care of him alone during my BUSY WEEK.

Which was why I was depressed. I was sad.

I had no choice but to bring Razin with me tomorrow... I hope I won't shout so much. And I'm worried of what to eat. I have no appetite with my own cooking :(

I still have morning sickness eventho I'm no longer in my 1st trimester.

Darn it.

I don't feel so good. Writing back all these make my head aches.

Need to lie down... after all, it's 2am now. Adios.

Written By Ryehana