Be gentle, for gentleness has never been used in anything without beautifying it

bismIllah...

Aku agak stress sekarang ni. I become more hot tempered lately. Sian Razin kena marah. Camne nak buat ya?

Aku stress... aku tak suka nak marah-marah dia. Ape la yang dia tau kan...

Sedih...

Rasa nak nangis bila ingat balik... ok, dah nangis dah pun.

I'm a bad mom.

T_____T

Maafkan Mak, yer Razin.


I didn't mean to shout. I just can't control my temper when you're tearing up all my stuff. 'Tidying up' my stocks and making a mess of my inventory...

*Sigh*

I know you're just being you. You're a child who is exploring new things... learning new things...

I know you love me so much that you can't bear to see me ignoring you when I'm working.

But Mommy needs to work too, sayang...


Ahhhh... stress... stress...

I can't wait to stay in my own house. Sleep in my own bed, cook in my own kitchen and working in my 'to-be-fully-renovated' office inside my own house.

Tapi lambat lagi... tahun depan la kot baru balik Lumut semula.

Hujung bulan akan balik ke Johor semula. Dan akan bermula kembali la ke'tension'an aku taking care of my son alone. huahuahua...

Kat Johor tu lagi laaaaaaa banyak cabarannya cos just ME and Razin when hubby went to work.

Takpela...

Nak wat camne kan...

Nak tak nak kena pandai-pandai la manage.

Bukan aku tak nak jaga anak sendiri, eh of cos la aku nak jaga anak aku sendiri... tapi bila memikirkan kerja-kerja yang akan tertangguh and sometimes aku LUPA buatkan aku stress.

I think I am a perfectionist. I think I am also a control freak.

I am someone who hates to keep my customers waiting. Sebab aku sendiri tak suka menunggu.

I want to take care of my baby, but at the same time I do am committed to my current job.

Tapi susah... memang susah.

Bear with me, Razin.


Ya Allah... help me to be a better mother. Amin.

alhamdulIllah...

31 weeks

bismIllah...


Dear little one,

You are now 31 weeks old in my tummy! Just a few more weeks to go...

In a few more weeks, I can hold you in my arms... I can see you smile (and cry!), kiss you and feed you. And oh so many other things we can do together! I'm here for you through your journey, little one... Oh... tak sabar okeh...

Though I must say, I'm pretty scared too... Mostly because of the childbirth pain. Cos people say it's very very very painful... A battle, really... I pray to God everything will be okay. Mengharap dengan sangat!

Now I no longer shop for my own stuff. Most purchased items are for you... Mak and Abah is preparing for your arrival, little one. We can't wait to see you...

Opah also is very excited... She is so proud that she's going to have you as her first grandchild. So are your aunts and uncles... :')

However, I am enjoying every precious moment of you inside me. You love to squirm and kick me, dear... You always make me smile when suddenly my tummy shook because of your movements. I'm going to miss that when you come out... :)

Dear little one,

I know you will not have more space to wiggle around anymore. Just bear with it, ok?
For now, just grow healthily... strengthen those lungs of yours before you decide to tear me apart. haha... Since you are my first baby, I have no idea what to expect on your birthday. People say you could come out early, and then your Abah is planning for us to travel early next month. I'm worried a bit. But let's hope you come out at the right time... :)

Oh baby,

I haven't seen you (I want to see you clearly... not like those ultrasounds or 3D images I have now) or held you, but my love for you is overwhelming... It pours out endlessly...

I hope you will be a good son, a kind and great leader... and most of all, a humble slave to Allah...

Love you so much, my little soldier... :')

I want this romper!
sesape jumpa, leh la gtau ek...
:D

alhamdulIllah...

Puasa pertama

bismIllah...


Dear little one,

Today is my first day to fast with you in my tummy. I was very scared about you. Scared that you will not get the nutrition you need. But people said it's okay... Plus, if I couldn't stand the hunger or the pain, I could always surrender right? :D

Well thank God we made it! Yes... I didn't throw up at all during the day. But... things weren't so good after the iftar. I threw up big time around 8.30 pm... I even scared your Aunt Nini cos she said I was retching so loud, she got up and looked for me in the toilet.

It was bad dear... All my dinner was splattered on the wall and on the bathroom floor. Can't get the toilet seat up in time! Your aunt was green when she saw me. Haha... but she helped me cleaned up the mess and rubbed my back while I continue vomiting.

But it's okay... all this for you little one! This little experience will forever engrave in my memory. The funny taste in my mouth when I'm done puking to my heart's content... it is a taste of happiness. I'm happy and grateful to be able to experience this. Plus, mothers get rewarded by Our Creator whenever she felt any discomfort while carrying their child! I shouldn't complain. :D

I vomitted again at 11 o'clock just now. Now all the food I ate tonight was officially gone. But that's alright too... I made a cup of warm milk for us both. We should be okay till dawn... :)

Though, I am a little worried about the folic acid I downed earlier... It's probably gone with all the vomit.... hmmm....

Dear little one,

I don't know if you can feel my emotions... but I'm sorry if I terrorized you... made you uncomfortable... I never meant anything bad to happen to you. I'm just... having my mood swings... The truth is, I miss your father. Terribly.

But what can we do? He's in Lumut and here we are in KL. I can only meet him when he's not sailing or busy on weekends. I guess that's how it'll be for now. Bear with me, little one. We'll find our way out of this somehow.

Thank God your lovely Aunt Nini is here with us. She takes care of me. Us. She's a great sister. I'll be forever thankful to her... :')

Yesterday we played a little game. Well... just a stupid gender-guessing game... based on old wives' tale... but it's fun! I don't really care what gender you will be, I'll love you with all my heart!

But who am I to lie.... I can't wait to know!

I love you, little one.

Be strong... and grow healthily...

I can't seem to be blogging about things other than me, my pregnancy, my baby and my family these days.

Please go if you can't stand it, gentle readers...

So cute!!!

Salam.


alhamdulIllah...