Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Long weekend

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...







Still awake. Razin too. And from the sound I heard right across the hall, I guess Raul is awake too. Takpelah, Mak Yang dia ade jaga...

We're in my mother's house since last 30th April. Oh Raul dah lama kat rumah Mak, she took him under her wings when my babysitter decided she couldn't take care of Raul anymore.

It was a tough week... Raul sakit and macam kena roseola... Then suddenly babysitter told me she can't babysit anymore. Luckily I work on my own. Imagine how would I handle this if I have an employer and have to take leave from work few days in a row??

Mak cakap, tinggal jelah Raul kat Beruas sampai aku beranak. Ermm hello, I'm due in July kot. Lambat lagi. Takkanlah nak tinggal je anak and jumpa on the weekends only??

Turned out, I had to. 

I was devastated. Still am. Felt like I failed as a mother. But what can I do??

I don't expect people to understand my working nature. Most people assumed that "ko kerja sendiri kan, bawak jelah anak pergi kedai.. Ape susah?"

Susah. Tak boleh nak bawak. Bukannya tak pernah bawak (sebelum ni pun babysitter jaga 4 hari je seminggu). Tapi memang susah.

I have only my brother to help. All of the GST stuff really messed up my life as a small retailer. Menyusahkan okeh!! Benci sangat-sangat dengan implementasi GST ni. Arghhh berbakul sumpah seranah... Malas nak taip.

The fact that I am also pregnant pun adalah faktor yang menyumbang kenapa aku tak boleh nak handle kedai + anak at the same time. 

Aku pregnant terlampau awal - operate bulan Mei 2014, then bulan 10 dah preggy. Luka operation baru nak baik, berat badan memang tak sempat turun (tak boleh nak berbengkung sangat cos sakit + takde exercise + tak bertungku sangat kat perut).... Aku memang sangat-sangat tak fit.

Very overweight. Ape taknya, berat masa preggy yang dulu tak sempat dihapus dah preggy lagi. Last time timbang 87kg kot (my ideal weight is 60-64kg!)

Maka, aku selalu tak larat. Baru 5,6 bulan pregnant dah asyik sakit pinggang. Tak larat jalan or diri lama-lama. Nak mengadap laptop buat kerja lama-lama pun tak larat... Aku asyik nak baring and tido je. Seriously I'm always miserable.

Dahle cmtu, kena GDM lak.

So..... Too many stuff on my plate.

Kerja asyik bertangguh-tangguh. Hate it.

Aku ade contact ejen untuk carikan maid tapi belum ade lagi kemasukan baru utk dioffer.

In the midst of all this, I too am unhappy with some personal stuff. Felt like I'm alone in handling all the problems. Semuaaaaaaa benda aku yang kena handle. Penat tau tak. Really felt unappreciated.

All I need right now is comforting words, hugs... A lot of TLC.

I'm afraid I'll break down soon.





Bestfriend sejak form 4 baru bertunang. Semoga dipermudahkan segalanya Bed. Tahniah :)


Alhamdulillah....

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