Friday, January 28, 2011

He gave me a bad news

bismIllah...


Last night, just when we're getting ready to sleep, my husband suddenly said, "Ayang, bulan depan ajak Nini datang sini teman ayang ek"

I stared at him with a frown on my forehead. "Kenapa lak?" I asked.

"Bulan depan abang kena berlayar sebulan" he replied. He was smiling.

"Heh... tipu!" I really couldn't read his face. But I'm sure he was lying. He continued saying he would be sailing next month, and I kept rejecting what he said. "Tipu! Tipu! Tipu!"

Then he buried his face into the pillow. "Sorry sayang" he said into the pillow.

My heart was beating fast. How I wish he WAS kidding about it.

"Betul ke tipu ni?" I asked again. He turned to look at me.

"Betul... tak sampai hati nak gitau ayang... tak tau nak gitau camne" he said as he held me close.

What???? I felt like a block of brick was thrown on my chest. My chest hurt. My heart hurt.

"Bila tau nak berlayar ni?" I tried to fight back the tears that was already brimming my eyelids.

"Semalam. Kapal abang kena ganti KD Pahang... ala, tak jauh... Kat Sabah je... Tawau."

I controlled the pressure in my throat. I looked at his face looking at me. "Berapa haribulan nak berlayar nyer?"

"18hb... Ala, insya Allah abang balik on time.. Sebulan je. Dalam 17, 18 haribulan Mac nanti abang balik la..."

Controlling my voice, I said "Ana punyer due date kalau ikut klinik 23hb Mac. Tapi kan kalau due date dari scan 17hb Mac... camne kalau ikut due date scan tu? Abang takde..."

When I said all this, my eyes were wet with tears. I just couldn't believe this news. This was what I feared most. Him sailing while I'm near to giving birth to his son. God, I still couldn't believe it. And, for a month??? God... help me.

"Nak wat camne sayang... kerja..." he replied. I could feel him tightening his embrace. I know he wished he didn't have to leave me, but heck... It's his job. I guess I just have to accept this.

I didn't say much after this. I turned and gave him my back. I couldn't let him see me crumble.

I just cried silently. But my body shook and he knew I was crying my eyes out. He continued to hold me... rubbing my upper arms... whispering comforts to my ear...

My mind was imagining lots of things. What if I went into labor early? What to do when he's not around? Plus, what if I can't even phoned him? And, God forbid, what if something happened? I am now 8 months pregnant. It's just a few weeks away!

I woke up with an empty feeling today.

Gosh, how I wish he was kidding about the news!

Now I'm crying again. Darn it. Stupid.





alhamdulIllah...

16 comments:

Angelina Jolie said...

Anna, same with youla..my fiance pon sailing jugak..and normally pegi belayar in 3 month..i know what you feel..sedih sgtkan..and even bile tgh laut lagi sedih coz xde line..sometimes 2 weeks...what can i advice you sabar bnyk2..jgn sedih2 coz ibu mengandung xbaiik sedih2..berdoa slalu agar semunaye dipermudahkan..cheer =)

Ryehanna said...

tgh bersabar la ni...

kalau saya ni xkahwin lg and tak sarat mengandung, saya mmg xkisah sgt la dia nk berlayar brp bulan pn...

ni masalahnye dah sarat nak beranak... huhuhuhu T____T

DiEYaNa said...

sabar bebyk yea...kuatkan semangat,xmo emo2...nnti baby xceria ;)..insyaALLAH yg hikmahnya n kite same2 doakan yg terbaik yea :)

nnti slalu borak2 nga baby suh dia tggu papa dia balik dr kuar =)

::alwaniamalini:: said...

aduhhh..... berat betul dugaan ni. i can understand your feeling. memang sedih kan, dahla tengah sarat. tunggu masa je nak bersalin and kalau boleh memang nak husband ada di sisi kan.

be strong dear! u really really need to be strong. doa byk2 semoga semuanya dipermudahkan. betul cakap dieyana, selalu cakap ngn baby. suruh dia tunggu daddy dia balik baru keluar.

erm, husband xleh mintak pengecualian ke? cakapla wife dah nak bersalin. takleh eh? huhuh

nads said...

alahai...sedihnyer akak baca nih...jgn sedih2 eh dear, akak dapat rase camne sedihnyer bile hsbnd xde time preggy lagi2 ana dah sarat kan...
ana jaga diri baik2 tau...akak doakan ur hsbnd sempat balik be4 u deliver....

nuruljannah sukhri said...

saya pun turut merasai perasaan ana.tp ana kena byk sabar., jgn fikir sangat nanti lagi sedih, baby pun terikut2 sama jadi x ceria nanti.btol tu, pujuk la baby suh dia tgu papa dia balik baru kuar..biasa kwn2 saya yang suami keje off shore selalu gak baby dengar kata mama.bykkan berdoa..Tuhan kan maha mendengar..
be strong k.

Ryehanna said...

To Dieyana: insya Allah.. but frankly, ana mmg bkn jenis nk ckp2 ngan baby pun... it feels weird talking to my tummy.. huhu


To Alwaniamalini: Memang dugaan yang berat.. selama ni dengar je citer bini2 navy lain kena tgl time nak beranak, tak sangka leh jadi pada diri sendiri.. Uwaaaaa... T___T

And mmg xleh ada pengecualian ke ape... kat kapal dia ada lagi 2 org lelaki yg mcm dia... tinggal bini tgh sarat...kalau btl isteri beranak and masuk hospital, baru la diorg ni leh balik.. naik flight or tumpang kapal lain kalo kerja perlayaran tak abis lagi


To Nads: akak yang bace pun sedih, saya ni lagi la... uhuk uhuk... but thanks... hopefully dia balik before sy deliver..


To Nuruljannah Sukhri: Thanks.. I am trying to be strong ler ni... huhu

~::NURUL SHUHADA::~ said...

ana...be strong..
kita kira senasib gak lah..hubby sy pun jauh kat perak..sy kt tganu..ni pun tgh sarat 8 bulan..insyaallah nt sempat suami ana balik time nak bsalin tu..Allah dah buat perancangan terbaik utk hambaNya.. kena think positive jer.. sy pun kdg tu bimbang if hubby x sempat nak sama2 time kita sakit bersalin tu..tp sama2 lah kt doa spy dipermudahkan semua.. sabar k..

GurL-FriDay said...

hey, i've been ur silent reader for a while now, but this post is really sad and i somehow feel related to it. not that i have experienced the same thing, but also being married to a naval officer, i guess the possibility of it happening to me is pretty high. and i've seen my mom struggled before, so i guess i can actually say i feel you? nevertheless, i'm sure it'll make you stronger in the future. but for now, let's just hope he'd be able to come back just in time for the delivery. in the mean time, be patient and stay strong! take care ;)

Ryehanna said...

To Nurul Shuhada: Thanks for the kind words.. i'm sure u understand what i'm going thru...sblm ni pun penah berjauhan dgn suami... cuma problem is, kalau sailing nak call pun tak boleh! phone xde line... waaaaa...T___T

But anyway, hari ni dah ok sikit. dah leh terima dia nak berlayar... (yela, ape2 pun kena terima gak)


To Gurl-Friday: Thanks for reading my blog... :)
Yeah, u bet.. the possibility of u being deserted like me is high. HAHA.. nak wat camne, bini navy kan... thanks for ur advice and support. I'm better today. No more sad face. :)

Angelina Jolie said...

ana ok la dah xsedih2...nt jgn la dok sowg2...tkot lak teringat n nt msti sedih kan..at least ade nini ok la..lagi 1 nt wat la something yg akan membusy kan diri..jgn layan perasaan sgt..heheh

A.I.Z.A.T said...

Salam Ryehanna..lama tak masuk blog ni..emm, sabar la ye psl husband tu, doa yang terbaik la ok.. harap semuanya ok ok je..Insya Allah..
takecare..

lynntaib said...

Sy tak tahu cerita ni dapat membantu atau tak:

My SIL dulu, kena tinggal for 7 months all alone sebab abg sy kena outstation somewhere in Kedah. Kadang2 weekend sy g rumah dia untuk teman and mmg kena tadah telinga macam2 dia nak cerita sbb takde kawan nak cakap. Sy pun kena teman dia pergi pregnancy check-up yang dia pergi 4-5 kali je sbb takde mood suami takde di sisi. Sepajang tempoh pregnancy, she was terribly stress.. Abg sy habis outstation just in time bila dia dah cukup masa untuk bersalin.

But, bila baby dia lahir (proses bersalinkan dia tak susah), baby tu senanggg sangat nak jaga plus sikit2 gelak. sikit2 gelak. even umur baru sebulan-dua mcm tu, dia blh gelak mengekek2 mcm dah besar sgt jekk.. maybe itu hikmahnya kan, dia sentiasa menghiburkan. kalau lapar or sakit pun tak mengamuk, ek-ek sikit je..

she brings beautiful rainbow after the rain =) mungkin ada hikmahnya kan,,

bardboo said...

sedihnya baca nie..mmg rasa nk nangis..xtau mcm mana kalo jadi kat diri sy sendiri..

papepun,ana kena kuatkan hati..takut ada effect kat baby..jaga diri elok2..

jgn lupa doa slalo..supaya ur hubby sempat balik before ana lahirkan baby..

[DnaZz] said...

ana, stay strong okay. im wif u. samalah kita berdoa that everything will be smooth..cheer up dear
;)

Ryehanna said...

To Angelina Jolie: Thanks.. mmg akan membusykan diri ngan kerja.. and hopefully semuanya berjalan seperti yang dirancang... :)

To Aizat: Thanks Aizat... :)

To Lynntaib: Hihi... nice story... well, let's hope for the best... ;)

To Bardboo: Thanks... moga2 hubby sempat balik before deliver.. :)

To Dnazz: Thanks, Dnazz... :)